The Only Light We'll See
by Allie Chick
Summary: Matthew has always been the sickly child. Lars has always been the delinquent. The two become unlikely friends due to unique circumstances. However, their friendship is not accepted by everyone, particularly Matthew's family. Their friendship must struggle through Matthew's health, Lars's past, and both their families. Canada/Netherlands friendship or pre-slash.
1. Night has Come

Chapter 1: Night has Come

Matthew Williams Bonnefoy-Kirkland was used to being treated like an invalid. Mostly because he was in fact, an invalid of sorts. Papa and Father had always been very careful, gentle, and protective with him. Even his twin brother Alfred, who was always full of energy, was always sure to calm down when he came to visit him in the hospital or when he was doing well enough to be at home.

Over the years Matthew's health had fluctuated wildly. There would be months where he would feel great- or rather, relatively great- and be able to be home with his family, almost like a normal teenager. But then, he would catch a cold or trip over his own feet. With weak joints, lungs, immune system and a myriad of other problems, almost anything could cause Matthew's health to plummet. For the Bonnefoy-Kirkland family, the hospital was a second home.

Unfortunately, during the winter of his 16th year, Matthew found himself in the hospital once again. Once again, his parents had been frustrated with doctors who told them that no, Matthew's case wasn't bad enough to apply for a transplant and no, there was nothing else they could do besides help him stabilize.

Matthew was used to these answers. They no longer surprised him. He had long ago accepted the fact that he wouldn't ever truly get better, that he would need to be taken care of for the rest of his life, and that everyone would treat him _special. _

"_Bonjour_ my dears!" his Papa Francis greeted him and Alfred with all his normal romance and flare- a result of his pride as a Frenchman.

"Hey Pops!" Alfred returned energetically, standing up from his chair beside Matthew's hospital bed. "Is it your turn already?"

"_Oui_!" Papa replied, approaching Matthew. He leaned down and pulled his dear son into a gentle hug and kissed his cheek. "Mathieu, _cher, _how are you feeling today?" he inquired as he settled himself on the edge of the bed.

"I'm fine," Matthew responded softly.

He smiled warmly at his Papa. Evenings were always his favorite part of the day. Though he greatly appreciated his Father-Arthur- and Alfred's company throughout the day, he looked forward to Papa's the most. Lovingly, Francis reached out and tucked his son's long honey colored hair behind his ear. Alfred watched the two of them from his position near the door with a smirk. He wished their family could spend more time altogether.

"I've got a surprise for you, Mathieu," Francis announced eagerly.

Matthew adjusted the glasses over his violet eyes. "Oh you didn't have to do anything special Papa," he answered kindly. Though the thought of something new brought a warm feeling to his stomach.

With his long, wavy, golden hair flipping over his shoulder as he turned his head, Francis called out to the hallway. "_Entrez-vous_ my friends!"

Immediately, a tall tan Spaniard and a silvery haired Prussian burst through the door. The Spaniard had a kind smile and his green eyes gleamed with pleasure. The Prussian looked more shocking with piercing red eyes and an evil smirk- but the boys were familiar enough with him to know he was a dork and secretly a softy. Alfred and Matthew gasped with surprise.

"Uncle Antonio! Uncle Gilbert!" Matthew cried with delight.

The effort sent him into a small coughing fit that made his chest ache and back hunch forward in pain. But after a few tense moments he relaxed back against his pile of pillows propping him up. Antonio, Gilbert and Francis all shared worried looks, but quickly they shook it off and acted as if nothing happened.

"Sup Mattie? Glad to see your awesome uncle?" Gilbert asked grandly, opening his arms for Alfred to give him a hug.

"Mateo! We heard you back here again," Antonio explained as he came forward to embrace Matthew.

"You just couldn't stay away from the hospital could you?" Gilbert teased and gave Francis a welcoming pat.

"Well, it is so lovely here," Matthew replied easily. Gilbert laughed at his sarcasm and then at Antonio who hadn't realized Matthew had been joking.

Antonio Fernandez Carriedo and Gilbert Beilschmidt were technically not Matthew and Alfred's uncles. However, both Francis and Arthur were only children so they had no uncles whatsoever. To make up for this, Antonio and Gilbert had taken it upon themselves to act as uncles for the two boys of their best friend. Arthur didn't particularly think the two of them were a good influence, but was grateful none the less.

"Well Mattie, it seems like I have to leave just as the party's starting," Alfred said, a touch jealous.

With a smile, he waved goodbye and promised to come visit him the next afternoon. Matthew knew the promise was unnecessary, as Al always had the afternoon shift, but he was grateful. Matthew preferred it when Al treated it like a voluntary visit and not an assignment- though Alfred never saw it as a chore.

After all greetings and farewells had been said, the hospital room settled down. Matthew's three guests had arranged themselves around the hospital bed. Francis sat at the foot of his bed, Antonio sat in a chair to his right, and Gilbert sat to his left with his feet sitting in Matthew's lap.

"So kid, what happened this time? Trip over Al's toys? Burn yourself making pancakes?" Gilbert asked nonchalantly.

Matthew smiled at Gilbert's easy manner. He never treated Matthew like an invalid, always giving him the same crap he gave everyone else. It meant a lot to Matthew.

"I caught a cold," Matthew explained simply. Gilbert clicked his tongue, the closest thing to sympathy to come from his mouth.

"Mathieu was feeling well voluntary visit and not an assignment. omised to come visit him the next day. Matthew new the promienough to go to school," Francis clarified. "Unfortunately, it was during an outbreak."

A tanned, rough hand reached out and patted Matthew's soft, delicate one. "I'm sorry amigo. I know how much you want to go to school," Antonio murmured sadly.

Blond waves bounced as Matthew shook his head. "No, don't worry about it. It's fine."

"My Mathieu is always so optimistic," Francis cooed. Antonio and Gilbert voiced their agreement.

Matthew's cheeks reddened. "N-no. It's not a big deal," he stammered, embarrassed. With all three pairs of eyes on him, he got nervous. He wasn't used to, or liked all the attention.

"Look at that blush!" Gil laughed, "Stop being so modest!"

Sensing his son's discomfort, Francis suggested they play a game. It seemed that Gil came prepared and went to fetch his Xbox. It took the three adults several bickering filled minutes to correctly connect it to the TV in Matthew's room. There were just enough controllers for all four of them to play, but Francis declined the invitation.

"I prefer to watch," he said, wrinkling his nose is slight disgust as Gilbert pulled out his copy of _Call of Duty. _

The three of them playing awkwardly arranged themselves at the foot of Matthew's bed. The hospital patient was sitting snuggly between his two visitors, which helped support his weak frame and kept him upright. Matthew wasn't sure if they realized this, but was grateful for the help anyway.

_Call of Duty _was not the kind of game that Matthew generally enjoyed playing, but it was quite fun to play with Antonio and Gilbert. He was no good at it himself, but he seemed much better in comparison to Toni, who seemed confused and oblivious the entire time. The true master was Gilbert. He became very aggressive and very loud when playing. Some of the things he said horrified Francis ("This is the pediatric ward! There are children!"), but Matthew only laughed- he'd heard worse from Al.

After visiting hours had been over for half an hour, the nurse on duty- Feliks- finally came to kick Matthew's guests out. Francis helped sit Matthew back at the end of the bed and wiped the sweat from the exertion off his brow.

"I'll see you tomorrow, _Cherie,_" Francis whispered lovingly as he gave his son a kiss.

"_Au __revoir__, _Papa," he replied softly.

"See you later Mattie! Don't stay here too long," Gilbert ordered as he hugged his 'nephew' goodbye.

"Hope you get better soon, Amigo," Antonio murmured as he embraced Matthew. "Call me if you need some quieter guests," he added with a wink.

Matthew nodded and waved them off. "Thank you for coming Uncle Toni, Uncle Gil!"

"I'd totally let them stay, but you guys were too noisy," Feliks explained to Matthew as his guests left. Feliks was Matthew's favorite nurse. He always let his guests stay longer than they were supposed to and really seemed to care about Matthew.

With a nod of understanding he replied, "I understand. Don't worry about it, Feliks."

Feliks smirked. "You are just too nice, kid," he said with a small ruffle of Matthew's hair. "Now, time for lights out!" he exclaimed. "Sleep well Mattie dear!"

"Thank you, Feliks," he responded as the lights went out and the door closed.

He was all alone again, in the darkness, waiting for the next day when the process would repeat itself all over again, with no promise of it ending anytime soon.

* * *

AN: Apparently, I can't resist writing fics with cliche plots. But here you go dear readers! I hope you like it anyway.

Netherlands and the plot will be making their appearance in the next chappie! Along with more exposition, yay!

Thanks for reading!  
Allie


	2. The Moon is Out

Chapter 2: The Moon is Out

Lars looked around the hospital play room and wondered once again how the hell _this _was his assigned community service. There were children everywhere. _Children. _Children who were sick. Children who were sick and probably didn't need some pothead like himself to play with them.

Speaking of pot, Lars wasn't even allowed to smoke _regular ol' cigarettes _in here. His whole body was courteously informing him that it would very much like a smoke at the moment. His hands trembled and his head hurt which only made him more irritable and unsociable than normal. Which was precisely why the pediatric ward in the hospital was the worst place for him. After all, if this was about helping the kids, shouldn't he be as far away from here as possible?

Yes, Lars was only thinking about what was best for the kids.

His older sister Bella would probably interject at this point and remind him how _lucky _he was. Yah, _lucky. _He should be _grateful_ that he only got off with 100 hours community service at the very hospital and ward his sister worked at as a nurse.

Awkwardly, he sat down next to two little boys who looked remarkably similar. '_Must be siblings.' _Lars guessed. They seemed to be fighting over a controller for the gaming system; or rather, the more aggressive of the two was pulling the controller out of the hands of the other. However, they both stopped when such a tall, unhappy, and (to be frank) scary looking young man sat next to them. Instantly, the aggressive one dropped his hands. They all sat in awkward silence. As a 19 year old, Lars had no idea how to interact with children. Hell, when he was a child he didn't know how to interact with children.

Eventually, the two boys got up and left Lars sitting on the floor alone. He couldn't help but notice that the other children were keeping a wide berth around him. '_Well,' _Lars thought, '_I guess I could spend all 100 hours like this.' _There wasn't anything saying he actually had to _interact _with any of the patients. Unfortunately, all hopes of spending the next few hours sitting in peace were shattered when he felt a familiar hand rest on his shoulder.

"Lars, really?" Bella critiqued.

With an eye roll, Lars glanced up at his sister. Her light brown hair was pulled back, which showed off her heart shaped face and cheerful hazel eyes. Everything about her exuded kindness- which was very different from her brother. Despite having very different dispositions, Bella was the only person Lars got along with and the only person who wasn't too afraid to be around him.

"You're supposed to be playing with them," she directed, gesturing to the others in the room. He gave her an incredulous look. With an exasperated sigh she added, "Lars, it's not that hard."

"Bella. These kids are terrified of me. Their parents are terrified of me," he said, mimicking her gesture. "How the hell am I supposed to do this?"

With triumph, Lars watched as Bella glanced around, defeated. She sat down cross legged beside him with a 'hmph'. Suddenly, she reached up and ran her hands through Lars's sandy blond hair. He yelped and his hands flew up to protect his carefully sculpted hair that he kept styled up.

"Bell! What are you doing?" he cried and batted her hands away.

She crossed her arms defensively. "We need to make you look less scary. With that hair-" She pointed to the bangs that Lars was quickly rearranging. "- that scar-" She delicately traced the small straight mark on his forehead. "- and your general grumpy attitude-" She poked him between his bright green eyes. "-you look like a delinquent!"

"But I am a delinquent," he replied smoothly, pushing his sister's hands away.

"No Lars, you're not. Stop telling yourself that," she snapped. "Don't be defined by what those pompous- "

With a hand, Lars stopped her. "Bella, stop defending me. I don't care."

"You should care," she pouted.

They sat in awkward silence. After a moment, Lars spoke up. "I'm sorry Bell. I know… I know it's not easy for you," he mumbled softly.

She smiled and nudged him playfully. "It's not that bad," she replied cheerfully. "Now, let's see if we can find someone older for you to interact with."

Gratefully, Lars followed his sister out of the play area and into the sterile halls of the hospital. Bella glanced around while mumbling to herself as she thought. With the sudden spark of inspiration, she led Lars to the section of pediatrics for terminal illness. Being away from the commotion and noise of the playroom was soothing for Lars. Bella led him down an empty hall and told him to wait. After checking through the window of the fourth door on the left, she waved her brother over.

"Here, he's close to your age. 16, I think," she explained, gesturing to the door. "Normally he has someone with him all visiting hours, but it looks like he's alone today."

A quick glance through the glass confirmed this. A solitary pale blond teenager sat leaned back on the hospital bed with a book in his hands.

"What's his name?" Lars asked.

"Matthew. He's really a sweet boy. Always so happy, despite everything," Bella admired.

_Sweet? _Lars wondered. _Can I really handle sweet? _But Bella was already opening the door and pushing him into the room without introduction. "Have fun!" she cheered and closed the door behind him. The bespectacled boy looked up at surprise at him. His face was gentle and Lars wondered how long it would be before he asked him to leave.

"Eh, hello," he spoke softly, when it was clear that Lars wasn't immediately explaining himself. "Was that Nurse Bella?"

"Uh. Yah," Lars replied awkwardly. "She sent me here to keep you company."

This answer seemed to satisfy Matthew. With a smile he closed his book and set it aside. "That was thoughtful of both of you. Thank you," he said gratefully. "What's your name?"

"Lars," he answered, trying to make his voice less gruff.

After a thoughtful moment, Matthew observed, "Lars. That's an unusual name."

In return, Lars blinked with surprise. "Uh, yah. It's Scandinavian or something."

"Are you from Scandinavia?" he asked with interest.

Lars shook his head. "No, but my father's Dutch."

Again, Matthew smiled. "My name is Matthew. My father is English and my Papa is French, so they picked a name that works in both languages," he explained. "Please, you don't need keep standing at the door."

It took a moment for Lars to realize what Matthew meant. "Oh, right," Lars muttered and moved to the chair beside Matthew's bed.

Now that he was closer, he could see how tired the patient looked. Lars noted that his hands trembled, whether from weakness or fear, he wasn't sure. Matthew didn't _seem_ to be afraid of him. It surprised Lars that such a soft spoken person was being so friendly towards him.

"Do you work at the hospital?" Matthew asked politely.

This made Lars laugh. "No, I'm a volunteer," he answered. It technically wasn't true, but it sounded better. As explanation he added, "Bella's my older sister."

"Oh, Bella's lovely," Matthew replied sincerely. "She's one of my favorite nurses and I've gotten to know many of them very well."

Since he was in the terminal section, Lars didn't doubt it. This boy probably spent most of his life here in the hospital. Lars shifted uncomfortably. He didn't like the feeling in his stomach. Matthew was making him feel uneasy. Matthew wasn't intimidated by him. Matthew was being _nice_ when he had no reason to.

"Um. Yes," Lars agreed finally. "She's nice. I guess."

The silence between the two of them was very awkward. Lars has no idea what to talk about. _What can I say to him? _Matthew didn't look bothered by the quiet. He smiled pleasantly as he looked lost in thought.

"So," Lars attempted. "Bella says that you usually have visitors." Instantly, he regretted the question at Matthew's disappointed look.

"I do. My family takes turns coming to visit me. My father was here this morning and my Papa will be here this evening," Matthew explained. "Normally my brother would be here now, but he couldn't come today. He's fallen behind in his schoolwork."

Unsure of how else to respond, Lars simply nodded.

"It doesn't surprise me though," Matthew admitted guiltily. "Alfred always gets behind when I'm in the hospital. He worries too much about me."

Lars wasn't sure if Matthew realized that he was talking to him anymore. Matthew's eyes were gazing lazily out the window as he spoke. Lars quietly listened and let him continue; let him spill the intimate details of his life to a complete stranger.

"My poor health is hard on my family. They worry and take care of me constantly, but they like pretend everything's fine. I _know _they're not taking care of themselves. I _know _they're struggling," he uttered plaintively.

Tiredly, Matthew rubbed his eyes. Worry was etched on every line on his face. Lars observed him with a raised brow. The weight of everything rested on him- this delicate, soft spoken boy. For a moment, Lars wished there was something he could do to comfort him. He quickly shook himself of this feeling. _You just need to sit here until Bella takes you home, _he told himself. _Just get your hours in and be done._

"I wish Alfred was here with me now. Even if it's selfish, I want him here," Matthew continued, his voice sounding very pained. "I shouldn't be so self-centered. Every other day of the week he visits me, without fail. His whole _life_ revolves around me. But I still feel so lonely."

With this, Matthew turned back to Lars and looked embarrassed. "I mean, I _am _grateful you're here," he added quickly, with a blush. "I didn't mean it like that."

Lars shrugged. It didn't matter to him.

Matthew wrapped his arms around himself and sighed. "Sorry. I don't normally talk this much."

"It's okay," Lars answered.

This was where he should offer Matthew some sort of comfort; tell him he's not selfish. But Lars didn't say anything and left Matthew alone with his thoughts. He wasn't sure how long he should stay or if he should leave before he made Matthew feel worse.

The light from the window was dimming as the sun set, enhancing the awkwardness and melancholy in the room.

"Thank you, Lars," Matthew murmured as the room darkened. "Thanks for listening."

"It was nothing," Lars answered honestly.

Suddenly, the door banged open and the light flipped on. With surprise, Lars looked to the door and saw a blond, passionate man entering.

"Why are you sitting in the dark, _cher _Mathieu?" the man asked extravagantly. He swept into the room without looking at Lars and gave Matthew a hug and a kiss. Finally, the man noticed Lars and stopped suddenly. "Who're you?" he asked with alarm.

The man's brilliant, blue, distrusting eyes looked Lars up and down. Immediately, Lars knew the new comer branded him as untrustworthy. Without shame, Lars returned the dirty look. Matthew missed the interaction and jumped in to introduce the two of them.

"Papa, this is Lars, he's volunteering at the hospital and kept me company this afternoon," he explained. "Lars, this is my Papa, Francis."

"How lovely," Francis said with false enthusiasm.

To Lars' annoyance, Francis turned his back to him. It was a clear sign that it was time for Lars to leave. He was unwelcome, how _surprising_. With a small wave goodbye, Lars got up to leave. Frantically, Matthew craned his neck around his father's body to call out to him.

"It was nice to meet you Lars! Please come and visit again!"

Lars looked back one more time and saw the desperation on Matthew's face. He waved once more before leaving the room. He frowned to himself, feeling confused. He was experiencing more feelings than he would like at the moment. _God I need a joint, _he observed as he flexed his trembling hands.

However confused he may be, Lars decided he'd try to come back. He was sure he would rather spend his service hours with that strange, soft spoken boy than any of the other sick children in the hospital.

* * *

AN: Hello dears!

So, if you hadn't figured it out yet, Bella is Belgium and Lars is the Netherlands. Why those names? I saw them used in other fics and I liked them.

Also, I forgot to mention, both the title and the chapter names are based off the lyrics of a song. Can you tell which one yet?

Thanks so much for your support!  
Allie


	3. The Sky We Look Upon

Chapter 3: The Sky We Look Upon

Mornings were often quiet for Matthew. Father was not flamboyant like Papa, but was a sensible English gentleman. They would share a cup of tea and then just sit. Some mornings he would bring a book to read aloud or his embroidery to work on. There were even mornings when he simply held Matthew's hand and offered his quiet comfort. For Matthew, this was just fine. It gave him a chance to just be with his Father.

On this morning in particular though, Matthew's thoughts were distracted. It wasn't often that he met someone new, someone that he could call friend. He wasn't sure if after his one meeting he could really call Lars a friend. But it was enough for Matthew, at least.

Their meeting had been unusual though. Matthew reviewed what had happened, how he'd talked so much about rather personal things. It wasn't normal for him. As a naturally quiet person, Matthew was often the listener. Not the day before though. Desperately, Matthew hoped to see Lars again, even if Papa thought "he looked like trouble". Admittedly, Lars's behavior was atypical of hospital volunteers and he did seem a little rough around the edges, but he was nice enough to sit with Matthew. Surely that meant that he was a good person, right?

"You're even more quiet than usual this morning," Arthur observed quietly. He looked up from his needlework and stared at Matthew carefully. "Are you not feeling well? How's the pain?"

The interruption of his thoughts surprised Matthew. He jumped a little in his bed and tried to hide the wince of pain.

"You are hurting! Do I need to fetch the nurse?" Arthur asked, worried. He put his embroidering material down and moved to hit the call button.

"No, no I'm fine. You just scared me," Matthew answered quickly. "I was just lost in thought."

Reluctantly, his Father sat back down. "Alright," he replied. "What were you thinking about so deeply? Something happy, I hope."

Matthew smiled. His Father was always worried about Matthew's mental health. It was understandable, as terminally ill patients often became depressed. There were certainly times when Matthew felt down, but he wasn't sure that he was in danger of something like that. How could he, when he had such a supportive family?

"I was thinking about the visitor I had yesterday," he answered.

His Father's thick brows rose. "Ah yes, I heard about him from Papa," he answered with a hint of disapproval. He busied himself again with his needlework. "He didn't make a good impression on Papa."

With disappointment, Matthew looked away. He was correct in thinking that Papa would tell Father about Lars. They tended to get a little overprotective of their son. Matthew really wanted to see Lars again and hoped this wouldn't have an effect on that.

"Yes, well Lars was very nice to me. He was good company," Matthew defended quietly.

Arthur merely hummed in acknowledgement.

That afternoon, when Alfred couldn't come in again, Matthew didn't mind. In fact, he was a little excited. It meant there was a greater chance that Lars would come visit him again, if Lars was at the hospital that afternoon and if he wasn't already volunteering elsewhere. Matthew chided himself. He was getting too worked up over a stranger.

Around 2:30, there was a knock on his door. Matthew's heart leapt in his chest.

"Come in!" he answered quickly, pulling himself up into a straighter sitting position.

The door opened to reveal two visitors Matthew hadn't expected. Carlos- short and stocky, with dark eyes and hair- and Yekaterina- soft and sweet with pale hair and blue eyes- stood in the doorway, smiling at him.

"Carlos! Yekaterina!" he cried excitedly. After recovering from a few coughs, he beckoned them in with a small wheeze.

"Hey Mat," Carlos answered, being the first to recover. "That stupid brother of yours is leaving you alone again?"

"We realized we hadn't come visit you yet," Yekaterina explained as she came forward and offered Matthew a hug.

"Thanks so much for coming!" Matthew gushed as he accepted a brofist from Carlos.

The two visitors settled themselves in seats beside his hospital bed. The three of them made odd trio- Carlos being one of the starters on the high school baseball team and Yekaterina being a shy foreign exchange student from Ukraine- but they didn't mind. Because Matthew was never at school often, most students his age didn't bother to get to know him. However, the three of them had managed to become friends through mutual loneliness.

"We heard from Alfred that you might need some company," Yekaterina explained.

"That brother of yours has been causing lots of trouble lately," Carlos added disapprovingly.

"Well, that's not really anything new, is it?" Matthew replied light heartedly. He didn't want to hear about his brother, knowing it would only make him feel guilty.

Carlos laughed in agreement. "That's the truest thing you've ever said about him."

Oddly enough, Matthew met Carlos through his rivalry with Alfred. Matthew didn't quite know the details, but somehow Alfred managed to insult Carlos during practice (this wasn't surprising or unusual, as Alfred often had trouble reading the atmosphere and tended to be slightly arrogant). Afterwards, Carlos had mistaken Matthew for Alfred and tried to fight with him. When he learned his error, Carlos felt sorry and brought Matthew ice cream. They'd been friends ever since.

"Alfred doesn't seem to be handling your hospital stay well," Yekaterina added softly, turning the conversation more serious.

Matthew frowned; he suspected that was the case. "What's he been doing Kat?" he asked hesitantly.

Kat watched him sympathetically before speaking, "The usual: being disruptive in classes, talking back to teachers, pulling pranks in detention."

"He just does it more often when you're in the hospital," Carlos added, "I mean, he's always a bit of a dick- _don't look at me like that Mat, you know it's true_- but he's being worse than he's ever been."

A silence fell over the three of them. Matthew stared at his hands, feeling guilty and worried. The happiness from the unexpected visitors was gone, replaced with a heavy cloud that hung in the air. Kat watched him with concern and sadness. Carlos stared out the window with his burly arms folded over his chest, not knowing how to comfort his friend.

"I'm sorry, Mat," Kat murmured, reaching out and putting a hand over his.

Instantly, Matthew looked up and smiled softly. "Thank you, Kat. It'll be fine."

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. All occupants of the room turned with surprise. Matthew wasn't sure who it could be; he wasn't expecting Papa Francis for a few hours.

"Come in!" he cried quickly, feeling curious and surprised.

The door opened and a spikey blond head peeked in. _It was Lars. _His green eyes scanned the room quickly. With a frown he started to back out when he saw Matthew's guests.

"Sorry, didn't know you had visitors," he apologized.

"No, stay!" Matthew nearly shouted.

The effort caused another coughing fit. He blushed at his own urgency, knowing that he needed to be careful. Beside him, Yekaterina and Carlos looked panicked, unsure of what to do. Hesitantly, Carlos reached out to pat Matthew's back and looked at Lars expectantly.

Lars stood frozen in the doorway with a look of surprise. "Do I need to call a nurse?" he asked cautiously when Matthew's coughs didn't stop right away.

"I'm f-fine," Matthew choked out. The coughs died down and the three visitors relaxed. "It's okay, please come in," he assured with a small beckoning motion.

After a moment of hesitation, the door opened all the way and Lars came in. Immediately he drifted towards the corner of the room, taking a seat away from Carlos and Yekaterina. Matthew's other guests watched the newcomer wearily and Lars simply returned the looks with a blank stare.

"Um. Carlos, Kat, this is Lars," Matthew introduced, breaking the awkward silence. "He's a volunteer at the hospital who's been kind enough to keep me company."

Yekaterina forced a smile and said hello and Carlos, being Carlos, greeted Lars more gruffly. Lars remained looking indifferent and nodded in acknowledgement of their greeting. The guests turned their attention back to Matthew. The awkwardness was palpable, almost crushing. Embarrassed, Matthew realized his mistake of making Lars join him when he already had visitors. Clearly he wasn't a very sociable person.

"So… tell me about all the stuff I've missed," Matthew suggested, trying to salvage the situation.

Immediately, his friends complied, sharing stories of Alfred's trouble making, the latest gossip running through the school, the upcoming student body elections, and anything else they could think of. Lars sat quietly in the corner, arms folded across his chest, listening to their stories with apathy. He had been effectively ignored, as it was the simplest way to ease the tension. Matthew only half listened to what his friends were saying, his other attention being focused on Lars. Guilt and embarrassment washed over him as Lars continued to stare. Matthew could see that Lars was uncomfortable, like he had been at the start of his last visit.

"You better get feeling better soon," Carlos commanded, turning Matthew's attention away from Lars.

"Let us know if we can do anything to help," Yekaterina added, standing up and moving to give him a hug.

"Oh, yes," Matthew replied, suddenly realizing that they were leaving. "Thank you so much for visiting!"

He waved at them as they passed through the door to the hallway. The room quickly drifted into silence with Kat and Carlos gone. Without prompting, Lars moved to a chair sitting close to Matthew. His posture was more relaxed now that the others weren't present, but he was still guarded. Matthew marveled at how Lars kept his emotions in check, not letting his face reveal much.

"I'm s-sorry about that," Matthew stammered, "I wasn't expecting them today."

Lars shrugged. "You don't need to apologize," he replied unconcernedly.

"I'm happy you came again," Matthew stated with a blush.

"Good," Lars replied, looking away. His gaze was fixated on the cluttered bedside table. "I believe that's the point."

The bluntness of the statement didn't offend Matthew, or come as a surprise. A few minutes passed in silence, Lars looking thoughtful. His hands rested in his lap and his fingers were twitching. Without realizing, Matthew was staring at him. Until Lars's eyes drifted from the side table to him.

"I wish you could visit me every day," Matthew stated abruptly.

With a cringe he turned away, regretting his words. _'What am I saying?' _he thought. But something about Lars made Matthew want to pour out his soul to him, share thoughts he wouldn't even share with his twin brother. Maybe it was because Lars was so quiet or maybe because Lars didn't seem to judge him by his words. Matthew liked that Lars was a little rough around the edges; it made him seem more natural and genuine. So even though Matthew's family wouldn't like it, he _did _want Lars to visit him as often as possible.

"I could do that," Lars answered honestly. "If you wanted me to," he added hastily when Matthew didn't reply immediately.

After a blink of surprise, Matthew beamed. "R-really?" he asked, "You would mind?" _You don't think I'm a creep for asking that? _he added silently.

Lars shrugged. "Why not?" he replied. He opened his mouth to say more, but changed his mind and shrugged it off.

"That's very kind of you," Matthew remarked genuinely. Clearly, Lars was secretly soft and sweet inside, if was willing to spend that much time volunteering at a hospital. Matthew wanted to get to know him better, just to see if he was right.

"It's nothing, really," Lars mumbled, looking awkward. He scratched the back of his neck and ducked his head.

Matthew sensed his discomfort. Perhaps he didn't like the attention, something Matthew understood perfectly. Lars probably wouldn't want to visit when there were others around, Matthew realized. This presented a difficulty, as there were only a few hours in the late morning and early afternoon that Matthew didn't have a regular visitor.

"Well, if you're going to visit me every day, then you should come around 11," Matthew advised. Father was usually gone by then, having to make it to his shift at the library. Then Alfred wouldn't come until school ended at 2:15. "Unless you have classes or work then," Matthew amended, realizing he didn't know what Lars's schedule was like. Or anything about him at all.

"I'm not in school," Lars answered without more explanation.

"Good," Matthew replied, before thinking.

To his surprise, Lars smirked at his outburst. "You're telling me," he replied lightheartedly.

Of course, it was just as things were feeling comfortable between them that Papa Francis waltzed into the room. He greeted his son fondly, with a kiss and hug, but only offered a quick 'hello again' to Lars. Matthew felt embarrassed by his Papa's unusually unfriendly behavior, but Lars didn't look offended. He waved to Matthew a silent goodbye and slipped from the room.

Matthew didn't have the chance to wish him a good day.

* * *

AN: Hello dears!

First, let me answer some questions! An anon asked about Lars's backstory, as I was pretty vague in the previous chapter. Rest assured, there is an explanation as for why Lars must do community service and it will be explained eventually. The same goes for Matthew's health problems. For the sake of plot, the exact details will be revealed in their own due time.

Also, in case it wasn't clear, in this fic Belgium is older than Netherlands. I know that in canon it's the opposite, but I took some artistic license, again for the sake of plot. As mentioned, Netherlands is 19, Canada and America are 16. It hasn't been stated, but Belgium is 24.

Someone was kind enough to point out a mistake in the previous chapter; Lars is not a Dutch name. That was a lack research on my part and I've already fixed it. Hopefully, there won't be more inaccuracies, as I've done more thorough research regarding Matthew's health and Lars's past.

Thanks so much for reading, reviewing, and following!

Love,  
Allie


	4. Oh Darlin', Darlin'

Chapter 4: Oh Darlin', Darlin'

Bella was far too interested in every detail of Lars's life than he would like. Sure, she had good reason to be so nosey about her baby brother who was currently under her care. But that didn't mean Lars wasn't bothered by it. Unfortunately, or at least unfortunately in Lars's mind, he was not in a position to live on his own and he sure as hell wasn't going to live with his parents.

At least Bella wanted to be around him.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" she asked from across the table.

Lars paused from his cereal eating and looked at her skeptically. Without speaking, he continued with his breakfast. He didn't have time for this, he needed to get ready and get to the hospital. Matthew was expecting him.

"I mean, it's great that you've found a way to make your hours more bearable," Bella continued, "But just visiting one person could lead to problems."

Still unsure of what Bella was trying to convey, Lars ignored her. Like any good brother would.

"It's never a good idea to become attached to a patient with health like Matthew's," she counseled. Her voice was almost pleading and that caught Lars's attention.

"What's wrong with him?" he asked curtly.

She sighed. "You know I can't tell you. Patient confidentiality."

His shoulders shrugged. "Well, you don't need to worry. You know how good I am at making friends," he said sarcastically.

Before Bella could say anything, he stood up and cleared his spot. He didn't need his sister informing him of his every mistake. That was something he could figure out on his own. Besides, becoming attached to a person who could so easily die was the least of Lars's concerns at the moment. What was more worrying for him was the fact Matthew seemed to think he was some sort of saint who was visiting him out of the goodness of his heart. But Lars couldn't bring himself to correct Matthew. Usually, Lars no problem showing people _exactly _the kind of person he was. Not Matthew though. To Lars's frustration, Matthew's opinion somehow mattered to him and he couldn't bring himself to disappoint him.

Lars quickly shook himself of these thoughts. It didn't matter; he just would avoid talking about himself and let Matthew assume whatever the hell he wanted. Yes, that would do. There was no need to feel guilty about what someone else assumed about him.

Because Lars was going to the hospital before Bella's usual shift, he had to ride his bike. Not that he minded much. Lars enjoyed the feeling of freedom that a bike allowed. He could momentarily forget the constraints of his family, the consequences of his own actions, and the responsibilities of life in general. The fact that is was Friday and he wouldn't have to come in for the weekend also helped.

Outside the hospital, at the bike rack, Lars smoked a quick joint to calm himself. When he rode with Bella he could never do this. It was another added benefit to taking his bike. After double checking the bike lock to ensure it was secure, Lars let himself in.

First, he needed to report to the nurse's station, so they could accurately record his hours. At the rate he was going, Lars could be finished in 3 weeks. The thought crossed his mind that he could spend more time each visit to the hospital. But he couldn't do much more than five hours in a row before wanting pull his hair out and yell at innocent bystanders.

Lars didn't even bother checking out the playroom and went straight to Matthew's room. He knocked and Matthew politely gave him permission to enter. The boy was sitting up tall on his hospital bed with a small smile on his face. He was looking better than when Lars had first seen him, though he was still unusually pale and tired. But he wasn't trembling, which Lars supposed was an improvement.

"I'm glad you came," Matthew greeted.

"It's nothing," Lars replied, shrugging it off. He took his usual seat beside Matthew and waited for him to start talking.

However, Matthew didn't mind sitting in silence. They both sat, thinking for several minutes. Lars found himself staring at Matthew's bedside table. Hastily placed atop the fake wood surface was a small stack of books, a light dusting of crumbs, and a hastily tossed napkin. Subconsciously, Lars reached out and straightened the stack of books. He didn't realize Matthew was watching him as wiped the crumbs into his hand and tossed them, along with the napkin, into the waste basket next to the table.

Matthew hummed in amusement. "You're a tidy person!" he complimented.

Lars blinked and then realized what he'd done. "I guess," he replied with a shrug. He simply liked things to stay orderly. It gave him something to have control over. Of course, Bella was thrilled that he started cleaning up her little apartment without prompting.

"I guess I have more to learn about you than you have to learn about me," Matthew mused. "I have talked a lot about myself."

It wasn't hard for Lars to understand what he was getting at. But he wouldn't volunteer anything about himself, not if Matthew was going to use such passive-aggressive tactics. So he merely hummed in response to Matthew's musings.

When Lars didn't say anything, Matthew shifted and sighed.

"You said, uh, that you aren't in school," Matthew tried again.

"Yes," Lars confirmed.

"So… are you working?" he asked tentatively.

With a frown, Lars tried to think of a way to explain his situation without completely lying. Matthew hastily looked away from him, feeling like he'd somehow been too invasive.

"I'm not working now," Lars replied, before Matthew could worry himself too much. "It's hard to explain… but I'm not currently able to work at the moment."

Matthew nodded. "I understand. I haven't ever had a job myself. Dad says I should just focus on school and staying healthy. Not that I'm ever out of the hospital long enough to get a job in the first place," he explained.

There was a light tension in the air. Lars understood that they both weren't very keen on discussion certain subjects. He was fine with this, if it meant Matthew wouldn't push him to talk about things he'd rather not.

It was time for lunch at this point. A nurse with the lunch trolley came by with Matthew's tray. Both boys eyed the tray warily, not trusting the food it carried. Lars felt a small pang of pity for Matthew; he had to eat that crap every day. Maybe he should make something to bring him. Almost immediately, Lars tried to repress that thought.

That was getting too attached, like Bella warned about.

"What's your dream job?" Matthew asked, turning back to Lars. He hadn't eaten much, but pushed the tray aside anyway. "I'm not sure what I'd like to do, but I think it'd be fun to work at the National Parks."

Lars didn't miss the wistful tone in his voice. The look on Matthew's face told him that he didn't expect to be able to have a job like that. The health problem was a very limiting factor, Lars assumed. To distract Matthew from his own self-pity, Lars did what he knew best; ignore the problem.

"I like business," he admitted. His previous work had technically been business. Technically.

"Really?" Matthew asked. He looked a little surprised. "You don't seem the type to want to be a businessman."

"Well I am," Lars answered, a bit defensively.

"No, I mean…" he back peddled, "It's great. Business is a good thing to get into."

"Yah," Lars replied. Before he knew it, he was starting to get personal. "Business, finances, running a company, it's fascinating to me. I think I'd be good at it." Well, he already knew he was good at it. "But, if you don't have the proper schooling, then you can't into a legitimate company. Just because you don't have the right diploma. But I don't think that means-"

He stopped himself, realizing how passionate he sounded. Matthew was watching him with interest, waiting for him to continue.

"So, that's uh, what I'd like to do," he finished.

Matthew looked like he wanted to say something, but changed his mind and offered a smile before turning away. The silence resumed once again. Lars didn't want the conversation to start back on him again. So, despite not being comfortable with making conversation, Lars tried to think of something he could ask Matthew.

"Uh, is your brother going to be visiting today?" he inquired.

The question surprised Matthew. He looked confused a moment before answering.

"It's Friday," Matthew stated the obvious. "So of course Al's coming."

Once again, Lars only hummed in response. He hadn't met this brother yet, but he'd certainly heard a lot about him. Alfred sounded like the sort of person Lars would have hated in high school. Of course, Lars hated a lot of people in high school. Was it too much to ask of everyone to just chill out, keep their heads down, and do their work? Apparently so.

Despite what his parents liked to believe, Lars was not a bad student. The people and the restraints of school were an issue for him, but he wasn't a slow learner. He was actually quite clever. Unfortunately it was his cleverness that got him into this hospital mess, so maybe it wasn't much to brag about.

"Do you have any other siblings besides Bella?" Matthew asked.

"Nope," Lars answered with a shake of his head. "My parents stopped with me." Though they often declared they wished they'd stopped after Bella. But Lars chose to leave that out.

"Yah, I only have Al as well," Matthew said, "But that's okay, because I don't think our family could handle another sibling like him."

As if summoned, the door burst open and a young man who looked just like Matthew- only more annoying and arrogant- waltzed in.

"Hey Mattie! What's up? Sorry I couldn't see you before now. You know how Pops gets about grades!" he greeted loudly.

It didn't take more for Lars to deduce that this was Alfred. Matthew quietly said hello and wasn't able to say more before he was interrupted.

"You must be Lars!" Alfred said carefully, turning towards him. Lars nodded in response, waiting for the disapproving dismissal. "I've heard about you," Al continued with a guarded tone.

Lars didn't need to be told when he wasn't wanted; he waved a goodbye to Matthew and took his leave. But before he made it out the door, he was stopped with a hand on his arm. With a suffering sigh, Lars glanced behind him to confirm the idiot brother was hanging on him.

"What," Lars hissed.

That didn't shake the large smirk on Al's face. "Hey, before you go, can I have a word?" he asked politely.

With a roll of his eyes, Lars yanked himself away from the boy and started down the hall. This apparently didn't satisfy Alfred, who followed him. Now that he was out of Matthew's view, Al was much more aggressive and grabbed Lars again.

"You need to stay away from my brother," he commanded firmly.

Lars stopped and turned his whole body to face the twerp, trying to be as intimidating as possibly. Nothing seemed to faze this kid though, as Alfred continued to stare him down threateningly (unfortunately he looked as threatening as a bull pup to Lars). When it was clear the kid wasn't going to let him go, Lars lost amusement in playing along any longer.

"Why the hell should I?" he asked dryly.

"I know what kinda guy you are. You're no good and from what Pops has said about you, you're trouble," Alfred stated.

Lars shrugged his shoulders. The kid was just pointing out the obvious.

"Look, Mattie's my little brother and I'm going to protect him, even from you. Just because he's too naïve to know better-"

"I'm glad you have such a high opinion of your brother," Lars cut him off coldly. Now he was getting pissed. "And I thought you were twins."

Once more, Lars yanked himself away from the arrogant brat and stormed down the hall. This time, Alfred didn't try to follow. He only heard a weak 'I was born first!' from behind him. Lars didn't realize Matthew's family was going to be so difficult about this. But he sure as hell wasn't going to let him take away the easiest fulfillment of his community service he could find.

And it _certainly_ wasn't because he thought of Matthew as some kind of friend.

Or so Lars tried to reassure himself.

* * *

AN: Hello dears!

I hope you like the latest revelations about Lars. And the adorably overprotective, but not all that intimidating, Alfred.

When I started planning this fic out, I thought Netherlands was going to be the most difficult character to write. But so far, he's been the easiest. It's actually Canada that's been the hardest for me. I'll let you decide what that means about me as a person ; )

Till next time! Thanks for the support :3  
-Allie


	5. Don't Shed a Tear

Chapter 5: Don't Shed a Tear

Matthew knew that he could be a bit naive and generally assume the best in others. It wasn't his fault; it was simply the result of living his life around nurses, doctors, and other people who striven to take care of him. So yes, Matthew was naive.

But he wasn't stupid.

When Al returned from talking in the hallway with Lars, looking a bit flustered, Matthew knew something was up. With a small sigh, Matthew rolled his head back onto his pillow and closed his eyes tiredly. Really, what did his family have against Lars? He was perfectly polite towards Matthew and kind enough to keep him company. What could possibly be their problem?

"Hey, Mattie," Alfred began, taking a seat. "You… you know I don't think you're stupid right?"

Matthew opened his eyes and glanced at his brother with an amused look. "I'm not sure I know what you mean."

"You know I'm only trying to protect you," Alfred tried again, more adamantly.

Ah, so this was about Lars. Matthew sighed and closed his eyes again. "Yes, I understand that. But Lars is really a nice guy. I wish you, Papa, and Dad would stop being so cold to him," he replied with a light scolding.

Al shrugged. "Yah, I guess," he conceded.

Suddenly, Al reached out and took a hold of Matthew's hand in both of his. Matthew opened his eyes in surprise and found his brother watching him with a pleading expression, looking more serious than ever.

"Please Mattie, you're my little brother- twin. I just want to protect you, because… because I can't-"

The tremor in his voice surprised Matthew. The usual cheerful manner Al put up was completely gone, replaced with a mournful expression. His bright blue eyes were glassy and looked on the verge of tears. Guilt washed through Matthew, knowing he was the source of Al's distress. At the same time however, he was grateful that his brother was expressing his feelings instead of covering them up with bad behavior and a cheery attitude.

"Al, it's okay," Matthew began, but he was cut off.

"No, it's not. You're sick and there's nothing I can do to help you!" Alfred cried with frustration, a few tears sliding down his cheeks.

"Oh, Al," Matthew whispered softly. He motioned Alfred close and pulled him into a tight hug. His brother held him softly, like he was a porcelain doll.

"It's not fair Mattie," Alfred murmured as he pulled back. He wasn't crying anymore, but was still somber.

"I know," Matthew replied, running a hand through Alfred's perpetually messy hair. "But there's nothing either of us can do about it. So don't let it get you down."

Alfred nodded and gently squeezed his hand. In a few minutes, Alfred was able to slowly work his way back to his usual demeanor. He told Matthew about all the things that happened in the past few days. Gratefully, Matthew leaned back and closed his eyes feeling too emotionally and physically drained to do much else.

* * *

Weekends at the hospital were usually Matthew's favorite. Those were the two days of the week when everyone could visit at the same time. They could be a family and laugh, argue, and bond like families should. This weekend was particularly special, in that Uncle Antonio and Uncle Gilbert came to visit too. Saturday evening found them all crammed into Matthew's room, together.

Papa sat on Matthew's left, holding his hand and cooing over how sweet his babies were. Father sat beside Papa, reminding Francis to not be too overbearing. Which of course meant that Francis returned the criticism and reminded Arthur to not be such a mother hen, constantly worrying over Matthew's comfort. The two dissolved into an affectionate argument, a common enough occurrence in their marriage. Alfred and Gilbert were lost in their own rowdy conversation, involving Al spilling the beans on his latest shenanigans and Gil being far too encouraging. This led to Arthur rather loudly requesting that Gilbert cease.

"They can be very noisy, your family," Antonio noted cheerfully. He sat on Matthew's right as he usually did, watching the others with a fond smile.

"Yes," Matthew agreed with a small laugh. "It's a good thing Lars isn't here. He'd hate it."

Antonio gave Matthew a confused look. "Lars? Is he a friend of yours?" he asked.

Blood rushed to Matthew's cheeks as he realized what he'd said. He hadn't meant to mention Lars, as he was proving to be a touchy subject between him and his family. But, Matthew had found himself thinking about him.

"Uh, he's my fr- he's a volunteer," Matthew tried to explain. "He's been visiting me recently."

"Good. I'm glad you're making new friends!" Toni replied cheerfully. "Especially if he's on the quiet side. I think you have enough loud visitors."

Matthew hummed awkwardly in agreement.

Francis and Gilbert decided they should all play a game. The only board games in the room were _Shoot and Ladders_ and _Monopoly_. Everyone agreed to Monopoly, which could turn into a very dangerous and violent game with the people present. They all gathered around Matthew's bed, sitting so close that shoulders and elbows were touching. Half an hour into the game, Feliks- the nurse on duty during the evenings- came in to quiet them down because the entire Pediatrics ward could hear them. Feliks ultimately failed at doing so when he joined Matthew and Gilbert's team and helped them crush the others.

Antonio and Gilbert were the first leave, to give the family some time to themselves.

"Keep being awesome kiddo," Gilbert instructed as he gave Matthew his goodbye hug.

Next it was Antonio's turn for a hug as Gilbert made his rounds around the rest of the room. "Keep getting better Mateo," Toni murmured, giving Matthew an extra tender embrace.

"Thanks for coming," Arthur offered in farewell as they left.

The rest of Matthew's guests stayed for an hour more, until it was time for light's out. To Matthew's relief, Lars was not brought up directly- though Francis did an excellent job at dropping hints about their concern for his safety. Matthew simply ignored those, not wanting to get involved in a disagreement.

After his family finally bid farewell, Matthew was left lying in the dark, thinking. When he was alone like this, his thoughts often strayed to the more negative and he worried about his recovery and the toll his health was on his family. However, that night, Matthew felt different. His thoughts were on Lars, wondering how his weekend was going. He felt a little embarrassed that he wished Lars would visit him on the weekends- he had plenty of other visitors after all and Lars would be visiting him on every other day of the week.

He'd been a little hesitant before to call Lars his friend out loud. But after Antonio's comment, Matthew didn't feel as shy anymore.

* * *

Monday rolled around and the routine resumed as normal. Matthew's father visited in the morning, bringing mint tea with him on that particular morning. Father read from the newspaper and Matthew sat through his long winded complaints about the recent political news. The details were lost on Matthew, as he preferred to ignore such things. Father left with a farewell kiss on the forehead and Matthew waited for 11:00 to roll around. He decided to distract himself with a book, one he'd recently acquired over the weekend (prolonged hospital stays made for good reading).

Right on time, there was a knock on the hospital door. Lars greeted him politely and took his usual seat by the hospital bed. Immediately, Matthew moved to replace the book on his bedside table stack.

"You don't have to stop reading," Lars stated, halting Matthew's movements.

Matthew blinked, "But it would be rude of me to ignore you."

Lar's shoulders shrugged, so Matthew kept the book in his hands but he didn't try to continue reading. He glanced between his guest and the book, feeling a bit conflicted. Lars stared at him expectantly. When it was obvious that Matthew was not going to keep reading, Lars heaved a sigh.

"Okay then, what are you reading?" he asked.

"Oh. Um, _The Great Gatsby,_" Matthew answered, holding up the cover for Lars to see. "Al's reading it at school right now. And I don't want to fall behind."

With a thoughtful hum, Lars nodded.

"Have you read it?" Matthew asked eagerly. He was intrigued by the plot and enjoyed the lyrical writing style.

"Yes, I read during high school too," Lars answered. "I enjoyed it at the time," he added with a hint of doubt in his voice. His brow furrowed and he had an introspective expression on his face.

"Why don't I read it aloud?" Matthew offered. That way he could keep reading and he wouldn't be completely ignoring Lars.

With a blink, Lars looked back to Matthew, his thoughts interrupted. He shrugged and made a gesture to say 'If you want to….' Quickly, Matthew opened the novel and flipped the pages till he found the right one.

"Um, I'll just start from where I was," he stated, guessing that Lars wouldn't mind, "_'See!' he cried triumphantly, 'It's a bona fide piece of printed matter.'_" Matthew began.

As Matthew read, Lars quietly listened. Matthew observed as he closed his eyes and drank in the words. This gave Matthew confidence as he read. He tried to keep a steady reading pace, avoiding stumbles or stutters. He couldn't say that his reading voice was very good and he didn't think he was expressive enough, but Lars didn't say anything and let him keep reading.

After about a page, Matthew's voice became breathy. Immediately, Lars opened his eyes and watched him carefully. With embarrassment, Matthew continued, cursing his weak lungs. Hardly any time passed and he was struggling. After the first coughing fit- Lars looked more concerned than Matthew had ever seen him- he reluctantly put the book down.

"I'm sorry," he wheezed, feeling disappointed in himself.

Lars shook his head. "No, it's okay," he stated. After a moment of contemplation, he reached forward and took the book from Matthew's hands. "I… I can read it, if you want."

"Really?" Matthew asked, not quite believing Lars was willing. "That would be great."

When he started reading aloud, Matthew was pleasantly surprised. He already knew Lars had a strong, deep voice but his reading was captivating. The passion that Matthew had caught a glimpse of before showed itself once again. The words didn't flow as well as they had from Matthew, but Lars read with good tone and inflection, making the lyrical descriptions _alive_. He read until the end of the chapter and stopped.

"Thank you. That was nice," Matthew complimented softly.

Of course Lars brushed it off and returned the book to the stack on the bedside table. Matthew smiled.

* * *

"You're looking better this morning," Arthur noted the next morning.

Matthew sipped his tea before replying, "Yes, I'm feeling a bit better today." When he had woken up, he didn't feel as tired and his body didn't ache as bad as usual. He hoped it meant he was finally starting to stabilize. "Maybe I'll be able to go home soon," he added hopefully.

His father smiled warmly at him and patted his hand. "I hope so. The house needs your calming influence," he said jokingly. Then, more seriously he added, "It's good to see you happy."

"I'm always happy," Matthew countered, but he could see from his father's expression that he didn't quite believe him. "I've been getting a lot of support from those who love me."

That, father could agree on and he leaned forward to give Matthew a tender kiss on the forehead. "Papa is right, you're such a sweetheart," he teased with a ruffle of Matthew's hair.

Matthew blushed and gently swatted his hands away. "Stop it Dad, you'll turn into Papa!" he laughed, feeling proud that it didn't cause him to cough.

That's when Matthew caught sight of yellow from the corner of his eyes. Lars's face was peeking into the room. In a panic, Matthew gasped and glanced at the clock. It was only 10:45 and Arthur was still there. When Lars caught sight of Arthur through the small door window, he immediately stepped away. But Arthur had already seen Matthew's panicked stare and turned around to see what was the matter.

"What's this?" he asked firmly.

"Oh, that's Lars," Matthew explained nervously. As a meeting was inevitable now, he waved his hand and beckoned Lars to come in. "He's the one who's been visiting me."

"Ah, yes," Arthur stated coldly. "I'd like to meet him."

Matthew's stomach felt like an icy rock of anxiety. Lars had seen Matthew motioning him in and slowly opened the door. Matthew braced himself for Arthur's disapproval to be fueled by Lars's cold defiant demeanor. It was probably the only thing Matthew didn't like about Lars, as it only made his family distrust him. If they would only see Lars was friendlier than he appeared.

"I'm sorry for interrupting," Lars stated coolly as he entered. He stood stiffly at the doorway, looking rough and out of place. Matthew noted that his face was gently flushed and he was slightly out of breath.

"It's alright," Arthur replied easily. "It's about time I leave anyway." Matthew breathed a sigh of relief as his father stood to go. "I'll see you tomorrow, Matthew. Love you," he offered as farewell.

"Love you too Dad," Matthew replied softly, glad Arthur had chosen to be the gentleman and not harass Lars. Though, fleeing the scene wasn't exactly a sign of acceptance either. But the whole exchange went better than he expected.

Lars waited until Arthur was gone to move to his usual seat. "Was that your father?" he inquired.

"Yes, that's Dad," Matthew replied with a smile.

"I'm sorry for coming early," Lars apologized, voice sounding gruffer than usual. His arms were folded defensively and his gaze was on the bedside table.

Matthew's eyes widened with surprise, catching the sincerity in Lars's apology. "It's no problem, really. I only worried about what my father would say to you," Matthew replied sincerely. "It's fine, really."

Quiet fell across the room and Matthew let it be. He thought there seemed to be something troubling Lars and let him use the quiet to collect himself. Finally, Lars shifted in his seat and leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees.

"There was… something came up and I ended up here earlier than I intended," Lars explained uncomfortably.

Matthew was curious, but didn't press for more. Instead, he directed the conversation towards a completely different topic. If Matthew wasn't mistaken, the corner of Lars's mouth raised the slightest of smiles.

* * *

By the time Wednesday rolled around, a new routine was established. As Lars was always at the hospital promptly at 11, Matthew's nurse decided that he might as well bring in the lunch tray with him. Lunch never failed to be a disappointment and Matthew never failed to be concerned about the state of the lunch meat always served sandwiches. Luckily there were always chips and an apple that came along with the questionable sandwich, so Matthew never starved.

"You never eat the sandwich," Lars noted as he watched Matthew pick at his food.

"I doubt you would after you've had the same experience as I have with hospital sandwiches," Matthew returned easily.

With a small snort, Lars leaned in to carefully inspect the sandwich himself. Matthew observed the small look of disgust as he lifted the bread and experimentally poked at the cheese and meat underneath. A small giggle escaped Matthew's lips; Lars could be unintentionally funny with his serious approach to everything.

"I don't think you should eat that," Lars concluded, pulling back.

Before he realized what he was doing, Matthew replied, "No shit, Sherlock."

Lars looked genuinely shocked at hearing that phrase coming from the soft spoken hospital patient before him. Immediately Matthew blushed and started stammering out an apology. But he stopped short when he heard the unmistakable sound of Lars laughing- real, genuine, deep laughter and not just the small chuckle that Matthew had heard before. Before Matthew can join him, the laughter stops abruptly with an awkward cough.

Matthew thought it was funny when Lars struggled to meet his gaze out of embarrassment.

* * *

The news Matthew received on Thursday morning from his usual chat with his doctor was good. Really good. Well, really good was relative in a case like Matthew's, but the news was enough to put him in an infallibly cheerful mood. He couldn't wait to tell Lars. And Alfred and Papa, he added as an afterthought.

He'd be able to go home on Monday if his condition stayed stable through the weekend. Matthew was certain he'd be fine, as the hospital always added a few days of observation to his stay for precaution. The cold had finally left his system, there was no danger of catching pneumonia, and he felt stronger than he had since coming into the hospital. Of course, his arthritis would still cause him to ache and his lungs would always be weak- but those could be dealt with fine outside the hospital.

Unable to contain himself, he blurted his good news to Lars as soon as he came into his room carrying his lunch tray. Lars stopped short upon hearing the words, looking surprised. Matthew was slightly disappointed by his lack of enthusiasm, but it didn't dampen his mood. Quickly, Lars shook himself of whatever bothered him and took his seat.

"Monday?" he repeated, handing over the tray.

"Yes. If I continue to be stable through the weekend," Matthew answered eagerly. "Which shouldn't be a problem, because I feel great."

Lars nodded in understanding. Again, Matthew felt let down by Lars's reaction. He didn't seem happy for him at all. With Lars slowly becoming more comfortable and opening up around him, Matthew had assumed that they were friends. Even if Lars didn't consider them friends, shouldn't he be happy for him?

The next few hours, Lars was quiet. As he left a few minutes before Alfred was set to arrive, he offered a quiet "Congratulations."

* * *

Matthew continued to be disappointed on Friday. Lars hardly made any conversation with Matthew and let him do all the talking. He didn't appear sullen or moody. Lars was just simply… being Lars Matthew supposed. The behavior was no different than what Matthew had experienced the first few times he visited. Matthew felt a little regretful, knowing that he wouldn't be seeing Lars in the hospital after that day. This last visit should be special, shouldn't it?

Desperately, Matthew wanted to stay in contact with Lars outside the hospital. However, seeing Lars more reserved behavior made Matthew question if the feeling was mutual.

"I… I'm really grateful for you," Matthew admitted as the clocked ticked closer to 2. Lars looked up from the fingers in his lap and stared directly into his face. Matthew's face flushed and he continued, "I mean, I'm really grateful for your company the past two weeks. I think it's helped me in the recovery, you know?"

Lars didn't answer and his face was unreadable.

"I just… wanted you to know that. It was really nice of you," Matthew concluded.

After several moments of silence, Lars finally made a response.

"You're welcome."

It was the first time Matthew heard Lars say that, rather than brushing thanks off with an 'it's nothing'. Lars left that afternoon with no particularly special farewell. Matthew tried not to let it get to him.

There were only a few more days now, Matthew thought. A few easy days at the hospital, then he would be heading home.

Unfortunately, the weekend did not go as smoothly as he would have hoped.

It was much, much worse.

* * *

AN: Ominous cliff hanger?

Hey dears! I apologize for taking so long to get this out ^^' Hope it's worth the wait!

I experienced a lot of "Shit, did I already write about this?" and "Oh my god how lazy can I get with these time skips?" and "This would be sooo much easier from Lars perspective why did I decide to switch viewpoints every chapter?" I hope it all came together well in the end!

The passage I quoted came from _The Great Gatsby _by F. Scott Fitzgerald (chapter 3 page 49). If you haven't read that book, I suggest you should. It's one of my favorites and has a nice perspective of the failings in the American Dream and wealth.

Matthew's health is the result of a single medical condition (which may or may not be revealed next chapter). I'm sure his symptoms seem pretty random right now, but I'm not pulling this out of my ass. Promise.

Many hugs, kisses, and cookies for all of you who've offered their support through reading, reviewing, favoriting, and following! It means a lot!

Love,  
Allie


	6. Won't Be Afraid

Chapter 6: Won't Be Afraid

The pounding knock on the door woke Lars from his dazed slumber. Blearily, he glanced at the clock which read 11:06. A series of quick, demanding knocks on his door propelled Lars off his bed. He was still wearing the clothes from the day before, but frankly didn't care. With perhaps more force than necessary, he threw open the bedroom door.

"Bella," he greeted (but it was really more of a snap).

His sister stood, already dressed in her scrubs and peeking into his room with a concerned look.

"Lars, shouldn't you be at the hospital right now? Isn't Matthew waiting for you?" she asked in an anxious tone.

"I won't be visiting Matthew anymore," Lars stated evenly. He watched as Bella's face fell into an expression of disappointment and confusion.

"Oh," she said. "That's too bad. You both seemed happier last week."

Lars resisted the urge to correct his sister. When he thought on last week, he felt embarrassed at how friendly he had become with Matthew. But as he spent more time with the quiet hospital patient, he hardly noticed how close they were becoming. Each time Lars visited, he opened himself up more and he did it willingly. Matthew was so open and friendly to him that he wanted to be so in return.

Hell, he had even tried to cut back on his usual drugs the past week, because he guessed that it would bother Matthew if he knew. His past 'business' partners had called Lars, asking when he'd finally be off the hook and could get back to work _and Lars had brushed them off. _It would be trouble for him in the long run, but he couldn't bring himself to associate with them.

Lars had always known he was a delinquent and it never had bothered him before. Until he suddenly felt like he needed to clean up his act a little. It was because of Matthew and quite frankly, Lars was _pissed_ at himself for becoming so weak.

But now, Lars didn't need to think about Matthew anymore, because he wasn't in the hospital anymore.

"Well, I'm going to head over early today," Bella broke the silence. Lars nodded and began rummaging around to find something to wear. "Are you going okay Lars?" she asked in concern.

For an answer, Lars started stripping off his t-shirt. With a sigh, Bella closed the door and left him to sort things out on his own, like he always did.

About twenty minutes later, Bella and Lars arrived at the hospital. As per routine, he stopped by the nurse's station before heading towards pediatrics. Now he was going to have to find some other way to spend his hours at the hospital. That was something he didn't look forward to. Without realizing it, Lars was walking towards Matthew's room. He stopped himself, before deciding he might as well check. Maybe he hadn't been discharged yet.

When Lars peaked into the window he was surprised to see Matthew lying asleep on the hospital bed. Instantly he opened the door and let himself in. Quietly, he took his usual spot and observed the patient. He looked worse than he had on Friday. Face pale, dark circles under his eyes. Lars felt a pang as he realized Matthew hadn't stayed stable over the weekend; his health had gotten worse.

No, he chided himself. He should be happy that he could still spend his hours with Matthew. No, he scolded himself again. It was wrong to be glad that his fr-friend was sick. Ah, but now he was being too attached-

Wearily, Lars ran his hands over his face and through his hair as the whirlwind of emotions swept through him. God, he was a wreck because of this kid.

At that moment, Matthew's eyes flew open and he groaned. Lars's hands retreated to his lap and he stared at Matthew expectantly. Matthew blinked at him, before recognition flooded his face.

"Lars! I didn't think you'd come!" he exclaimed softly.

"Neither did I," Lars joked dryly.

Matthew smiled brightly. His long, thin fingers moved to the bed's controls and pressed the recliner, until the bed was sitting up. With much effort he adjusted the pillows till he was leaning comfortably.

"My weekend didn't go the way I expected," he commented when he finished. At Lars's small sound of understanding, Matthew continued. "It seems that I've entered into the 4th stage of renal failure."

Lars blinked with surprise. He didn't know that was what Matthew was struggling with. "So, that's why you've been in the hospital," he stated.

"Oh, the kidney failure is only one of the side effects," Matthew corrected.

That vague answer only confused Lars more. He didn't know very much when it came to medicine. Of course, Bella still refused to tell him anything about Matthew's condition. Lars could probably just ask, but he wasn't sure how Matthew would react to such a question. So he remained silent and waited for Matthew to speak.

"It's not so bad," Matthew explained. "I still haven't reached stage 5- that's when you have to start dialysis. If my body wasn't so weak, I'd be able to go home."

With pursed lips, Lars nodded. He didn't completely understand, but he never had. After all, it was only his job to sit with Matthew and remain good company for him. That was something Lars would still do.

"Will… will you be able to keep visiting?" Matthew asked softly. "I really enjoyed it when you did."

Lars nodded. "Yes, I can still visit."

He only had about two weeks' worth of hours left and he would use Matthew to finish as many as he could.

"Good," Matthew murmured and closed his eyes tiredly. "Good."

* * *

The rest of the week was slow and painful. Lars didn't bring up Matthew's medical problems again, and neither did Matthew. He preferred to keep quiet about his health just as Lars preferred to keep quiet about his personal life. The two tried to continue on as if everything was normal- not that there was anything normal about their situation in the first place. But it was obvious to Lars that Matthew's health was slowly getting worse, as much as he'd try to hide it.

With each passing day, Matthew seemed to grow weaker. Always, there were dark circles under his eyes and complaints of troubling sleeping made in passing. If it were possible, Matthew was eating less. Lars soon discovered why when the vomiting started.

It was Tuesday and Matthew was finished picking at his lunch tray. He pushed it aside, hardly anything eaten. Without comment Lars took the tray and set it aside and out of the way. Matthew lay back down tiredly. His eyes were tightly closed, as if he were fighting off pain. Suddenly, they flew open in panic.

"Lars!" he gasped as he struggled to sit up.

Immediately, Lars moved out of his seat and his hands hovered over Matthew, unsure of what to do.

"I'm gonna throw up!"

Instinctively, Lars put a supporting arm around his back and pulled him up into a sitting position. Matthew grasped Lars's free hand tightly as he leaned over the edge of the bed and chocked up the small remains of his lunch. Immediately, Lars pushed the call button for the nurse. Matthew stayed leaned over, gasping and groaning as he threw up again. Lars didn't know what else to do besides keeping Matthew steady and remaining calm.

The vomiting ended shortly after the nurse arrived. The mess was cleaned up quickly and the ordeal was over with. But it left Matthew looking exhausted and in pain. He dozed off for the rest of the day and Lars stayed in his chair, watching his shallow breaths.

Watching as Matthew's health slowly deteriorated made Lars realize just how much he _cared. _It was nothing compared to the previous week, where Matthew seemed more chipper and Lars tried to brush off any friendliness he felt towards him. But the way Matthew was slowly wasting away was painful. Lars was _scared_. He was scared that he was so emotionally invested in one person, scared that it happened so quickly and even more scared that one person was _dying_. By Wednesday, Lars couldn't deny it. He felt affectionate towards this young, frail teenager, who was able to perk up whenever he visited and thought he was a wonderful.

Every day, Lars would come exactly at 11, which resulted in several encounters with Matthew's dad. Arthur's visiting time slowly grew longer and by the end of the week, he was staying until 11:30. Whenever Lars and Arthur were in each other's presence, they had a mutual understanding to ignore each other. To Lars, it was very clear that the father didn't like him, but was trying to be cordial for Matthew's sake. In order for this to happen, the best course of action was ignoring each other.

It was understandable that a worried parent wanted to spend as much time as possible with a sick child. So Lars didn't mind when Arthur hung around. After all, it quickly became the same courtesy that Alfred offered to him in the afternoons. Not that Lars wanted to be around Matthew's brother- surprisingly, Alfred became quieter as Matthew became weaker- but it made Matthew a little brighter when he did.

"I'm sorry," Alfred muttered while Matthew was resting on Wednesday afternoon.

Lars glanced sideways at the teenager. Alfred kept his eyes on his brother, looking somber. It was nearly 2:45 and Lars wanted to leave, but he didn't want to leave without Matthew knowing. It was a little silly, the old Lars wouldn't care, but now…

"I was just being stupidly overprotective the other day," Alfred continued, his voice low in a way that Lars didn't expect from him. "But you really cheer him up."

With a small shrug, Lars looked away.

"I don't understand it. I mean, you're such a downer," Alfred added.

Lars couldn't stop the amused snort, which made Matthew stir.

Thursday was a particularly rough day for Matthew. He complained- a rare occurrence for him- of aching joints and difficulty breathing. He was nauseous and tired but could neither eat nor sleep. Lars could tell he was trying to downplay it, for his sake. Which was ridiculous in his opinion. Instead of saying anything, Lars hesitantly reached out and placed his hand over Matthew's. Matthew glanced at him with surprise while Lars kept his expression neutral. The comfort was welcome he grateful took Lars's hand into own.

"Thank you," Matthew said softly.

Lars only hummed in return.

The rest of their time alone was spent like that. Lars didn't know how else to comfort him other than just _being_ there. Guilt washed over him every time Matthew thanked him- he'd hardly done a god damned thing. But the way Matthew smiled as soon as Lars came in each morning or the way his face fell slightly whenever he left in the afternoon stung.

Matthew thought he was fucking saint and Lars knew he wasn't.

The past two and a half weeks had been filled with selfish motives and unspoken lies. Lars never felt guilty, but for once he cared. When the arrangement between them first started, Lars had inexplicably cared about Matthew's opinion of him and kept things private for that reason. Now it inexplicably made him feel guilty.

On Friday afternoon, the realization hit him.

Shit.

He had to come clean. He _needed_ to tell Matthew about everything: the hours, the drugs, the crime. Lars had his mind made up. On Saturday, he'd come in and talk with Matthew.

_Shit_.

* * *

AN: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah. I'm sorry I keep ending on cliffhangers and only making vague hints about back stories and secrets.

Sorry that I lied about Matthew's condition being revealed in this chapter, but it will for sure happen in the next one. I decided to end this one sooner than I planned originally, because I want the next part to be from Matthew's point of view (I'm sure you can guess why).

Hope you lovelies didn't find this one too boring. There's not really a lot of talking, because I wanted it to be more introspective.

Oh, and we're officially over halfway through this thing. There should be 5 more chapters after this.

As always, thanks for all the support and love!

Love,  
Allie


	7. Crumble to the Sea

Chapter 7: Crumble to the Sea

This wasn't the first time that Matthew had ever been so ill. On two other occasions his life seemed to be on a tipping scale with no certainty whether he would survive or not. But every time, Matthew had pulled through. He had to, for the sake of his family. This time however, Matthew wasn't so sure if he was going to make it. His kidneys were finally failing. Soon, he would need to start dialysis and wait for a transplant. But both of those options, though they would keep him alive, would be very hard on his weakened body.

Still, Matthew wouldn't give up, because now he had another reason to fight and that reason was Lars.

The last week had been hard for Matthew, but Lars had been there for him every day and Matthew was grateful for that. Throughout the week, Lars grew even closer to him. Lars had let his concern be known as he tried to make Matthew comfortable and happy. Matthew would always be grateful for that.

There was no doubt in Matthew's mind that they were friends now. In a small, twisted way, Matthew was almost grateful he became so ill. It was painful, exhausting, and he knew how hard it was for those around him. But it meant he could still see Lars, grow close to Lars. Finally, Lars seemed less guarded. Matthew thought how he'd faithfully sat by his side like always, didn't push Matthew to speak, but offered what help he could by just being there. Lars had given him support when he couldn't support himself. Lars had held his hand was he was in so much pain that he couldn't hide it.

Through the struggle, Matthew and Lars had grown a bond that couldn't have formed any other way. There was a silent understanding and Matthew knew he could trust Lars as well as he trusted his own family.

That's what made Matthew see the silver lining in his failing health.

It was also why Matthew _had _to live, now more than ever.

Something warm touched Matthew's face in his thoughtful doze. With several blinks, Matthew forced himself fully awake to find his family surrounding him. Papa was caressing his cheek, Dad was straightening his blanket, and Al was sitting at the foot of his bed.

"Hello," Matthew greeted warmly. His voice was soft, but the family had been quiet and careful around him lately so it was no problem.

"How are you feeling today _cherie?_" Papa asked gently.

"I'm feeling alright," Matthew answered. It was the routine for them: Matthew would lie about how he was feeling and his parents would hear how he was actually doing from his doctor. The routine was never mentioned aloud or acknowledged.

"Glad you're feeling alright," Dad responded with a smile, placing a hand over his son's.

With Matthew's health being so low, his family was always very positive and offered their quiet, loving support. He could see how strained their smiles were, how tired their posture, and how stressed behind their eyes. It was another thing that was never mentioned.

"There's something we need to discuss with you," Papa started hesitantly.

"We understand it's a sensitive issue, but it's important that you hear us out," Dad finished for him.

Hesitantly Matthew glanced between the two, for any hints as to what this serious topic could be. The faces of his parents were serious and stern. Matthew glanced at Alfred, whose face was always an open book, but he looked away guiltily.

"What is it?" Matthew asked with concern.

"It's about Lars," Arthur stated hesitantly, after sharing a long look with his husband.

Instantly, Matthew's temper flared. He pulled back his hand from his father's grip and pushed Papa's caresses aside. Now, of all times, they were going to gang up against Lars? Matthew understood exactly what was going to go down in this conversation and he didn't want to have it. After all that Lars had done for him, were they still going to be so disapproving?

No, Matthew would not put up with that. He wouldn't let them treat his friend that way.

"Now, listen to us Mathieu," Papa began. "We just don't want you to be hurt."

He opened his mouth to argue- _what reason did they have to believe that Lars was going to hurt him?- _but he was stopped short by his father, who was gesturing to the door. The whole family turned to see that Lars himself was standing outside the room.

"Fine, we'll have Lars himself tell you about the hours," Arthur stated diplomatically, as if that was somehow a compromise.

"What-" Matthew tried to ask, but his voice is too soft.

Before he could finish, Lars was practically dragged into the room. He looked around the full hospital bed with a disgruntled expression. Matthew felt his face heat up with embarrassment at his family's rudeness. Lars never came on Saturdays, because that was when the family visited, so Matthew was surprised to see him.

"If I'm interrupting, I can leave," Lars stated.

Once again, Matthew was beaten in the race to answer. He wanted to tell Lars he was free to stay or leave; whichever he felt comfortable with.

"No, no stay," Arthur insisted. "There's something we would like you to clarify, about your hours."

Immediately, Lars's eyes widened in shock. His gaze searched the room until he met Matthew's. He blinked rapidly, clearly anxious and uncomfortable, still standing at the edge of the room. Matthew knew that Lars preferred to stay private about his personal life and that had never bothered Matthew. If it wasn't something that he was comfortable sharing, then why should he? Matthew had kept things from Lars, particularly about the root of his health problems.

"I-," Lars began, glancing nervously at Francis and Arthur. They watched him with fierce, disapproving expressions. With a defeated sigh, Lars closed his eyes to collect himself and turned back to the hospital patient. "Matthew, I-"

But Matthew held up a hand to stop him. Everything was happening too fast and he didn't understand the situation at all. Whatever it was that his parents were trying to accomplish was making both Lars and himself uncomfortable.

"It's okay Lars," Matthew said finally. "You don't need to tell me anything."

Immediately Arthur protested with a cry, "Matthew you need to hear this. Lars has been keeping very important things from you!"

To the surprise of everyone, Matthew cried back. "And I've been keeping important things from him too!"

The effort of his outburst sent Matthew into a wheezing fit. For several tense minutes, he coughed weakly, curling up into himself. His hands held onto Francis for support as his slim frame shook with each breath. The coughing died and left Matthew gasping for breath. The whole room had sobered and the occupants watched Matthew with quiet concern. Finally, his breathing evened out. Nobody was brave enough to break the silence first.

"Are you okay Mathieu?" Francis asked softly. "Do you want me to call the nurse?"

Matthew took a long breath before shaking his head. He was fine and didn't want to make a big fuss. Having attacks like that were always frightening for him, when all he could feel was the burn in his lungs and the sensation that he would never stop the coughing. It left him trembling and with a reminder that he was virtually helpless.

"Um, maybe we should let Matthew and Lars talk by themselves," Alfred suggest hesitantly.

He gave his twin an encouraging smile. Matthew returned it with a grateful nod. Reluctantly, Arthur and Francis agreed, deciding that for the sake of Matthew's health, they would leave and let the two sort out things on their own. During the exchange Lars stayed in his place, offering no input but watching the scene carefully.

It wasn't until the three other members of the Bonnefoy-Kirkland family filed out of the room that Lars came forward. He sat down, still looking surprisingly concerned and hesitant. If Matthew had to guess, he would say Lars was nervous. He'd never seen him to tense before.

"Lars, it's okay," Matthew said in comfort. "I don't know what my parents are so worked up about, but you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to."

Lars blinked and broke himself from his thoughts. "No," he stated. "I mean, I came here to tell you something."

"Oh," Matthew replied. That was unexpected.

"I just didn't want to tell you while your family was here," Lars continued. His voice was careful and face very serious. He paused in his words, mouth opening before closing again, as he debated internally.

To spare him, Matthew raised a thin hand. "Before you say, whatever it is, I'd like to return the favor," he offered softly. Lars's head began to shake, but Matthew continued before he could protest. There were secrets he wanted to get off his chest as well. That's what came with friendship, after all. Then, after Lars said what he came to say, his family could come back in and they'd sort out this whole misunderstanding.

"I want to tell you why I'm in the hospital," Matthew stated firmly.

With a blink of surprise, Lars shut his mouth and stared, waiting for Matthew to continue.

"When I was little, I contracted a disease called Wegener's Granulomatosis," he explained. Clearly, Lars was unfamiliar with the condition and continued to stare blankly. "It's… complicated," Matthew continued. "I survived the original infection but, ah, I'm still suffering from the effects of it."

"The effects?" Lars questioned.

Matthew's mind scrambled to find the right words to explain. It happened when he was so young and he'd had so many more trips to the hospital. His memories were a confused mess of pain and the fearful faces of his parents and the IV dripping into his arm and being so tired.

"Granulomatosis, it causes inflammation of blood vessels," Matthew described. "The particular type I had attacked my joints, kidneys, and lungs. The only way to counter the infection was to pump me full of immunosuppressants."

While Matthew spoke, Lars kept a careful eye on him. His face was devoid of expression as he processed the explanations.

"Obviously, I was able to overcome the Granulomatosis, but it left me in a poor state. My immune system is shot, making any little infection life threatening. My kidneys are failing, my lungs will never work at an average capacity again, and I have arthritis in my joints," Matthew finished.

"I'm sorry," Lars said quietly.

This was why Matthew had been slow to tell his story. It always made people feel sorry for him. Or made them sad. Or made them worry. Or all of the above. But Lars needed to know; he needed to understand that Matthew wasn't expected to live a long, fulfilling life.

"Don't apologize. It's not your fault that I've spent my life in a hospital," Matthew responded, but his voice sounded more bitter than he'd expected. Suddenly Matthew was upset. He didn't understand why, why now when he'd always been resigned to his lot in life.

He dragged himself out of his confused, angry daze and looked to Lars. His guest was eying him with a brow raised.

"I'm sorry," Matthew muttered. "I just wanted you to know. Since we're friends."

It was concerning that Lars seemed to stiffen at the words.

"I've been visiting you because I have 100 community service hours to fulfill at this hospital," Lars stated flatly. "That was my sentence."

Matthew nearly jumped at the suddenness of the words and watched Lars with a look of complete bafflement. "I- I don't understand," he asked, his voice high with concern.

"I was caught in possession of marijuana," Lars explained. His expression was hard and he sat with stiff posture. "My sentence was 100 hours community service. I've fulfilled nearly all of them while visiting you."

Matthew blinked rapidly, trying to process the words. "I- I didn't know-" But he didn't finish before Lars was speaking again.

"I was lucky," Lars said harshly, with anger that probably wasn't directed at Matthew, but that Matthew felt nonetheless. He was leaning forward in his seat, completely absorbed in his own narrative. "I was given hours rather than jail time. It was only marijuana I was caught with. I wasn't on the job."

"Job?" Matthew breathed. His whole body was trembling; the shock from the revelation was too much for his body to take. A whole new side to Lars was showing itself to Matthew and it frightened him.

"My crew, we worked the black market. After all, I've always had a head for business," Lars enlightened with a bitter voice. "Sometimes it included drugs, sometimes not. Didn't matter. We did whatever could make money."

"Oh," was all Matthew could manage. His head was swimming, everything felt wrong and detached. "The drugs- are they- do you-?"

Suddenly, Lars leaned back in his chair and smiled sadly. His whole demeanor had suddenly shifted from harsh to something Matthew was more familiar with. While running a hand through his hair Lars answered.

"Do I use drugs?" he supplied. "Yes. Addiction's a bitch."

With a hard swallow, Matthew nodded, trying to calm his nerves. Abruptly, Lars stood up.

"That's all I wanted to tell you," he stated. Softly, he added, "I'm sorry, Matthew."

Then before Matthew could say anything Lars was gone and his parents were at his side, murmuring apologies and offering condolences. But Matthew could only feel the air rushing in and out of his lungs. _Lars. _It was too much, he couldn't understand, he couldn't _breathe. _Everything he knew was _wrong _and Matthew didn't feel connected to his own body anymore. There was scrambling and the nurses were called and Matthew was hyperventilating and trembling uncontrollably_. But Lars-_ He could feel something being held over his face, accompanied with a flow of sweet air. But Matthew's brain was shutting itself down, needing a reprieve from the madness. _Because Lars-_

There was only one thought running through his mind, over and over.

Lars. Lars. Lars.

_Lars._

* * *

AN: THERE YOU HAVE IT. The cat's out of the bag, all the cards are on the table, the beans have been spilled, the secret's out!

Hope it wasn't too surprising or too predictable (it's hard to build up to a big reveal). So yah, Matthew's condition is legit serious. Not pretty stuff my friends. Also, Lars is a delinquent. But you already knew that- he's been saying so since chapter 2.

Has anyone figured out the song that the title and the chapter names are taken from yet?

Aaaaaah, this chapter was a bitch to write. Let me know what you think my lovelies! Hope you enjoyed it.

Thanks for you for your unending support! There are 4 more chapters to go, but during the month of November I will be participating in NANOWRIMO. So, my main priority will be that, but I'll still work on TOLWS when I can.

Love,  
Allie


	8. The Land is Dark

Chapter 8: The Land is Dark

Lars always understood that he was the sort of youth that the older generation wept over while despairing at the state of society. It was simply reality. However, Lars had never thought that made him a bad person. Sure, he wasn't pleasant to nearly everyone and did a number of things of questionable legality, but he didn't actively seek to hurt others. In his mind, this meant he wasn't an inherently despicable person.

After his encounter at the hospital on Saturday, Lars began to question his old way of thinking. He was disgusted with himself. He felt like the lowest being in the world with no way to redeem himself.

The whole thing hadn't gone according to plan, at all. Lars was stupid in thinking that he would find Matthew all by himself on a Saturday. Of course his overprotective family would be there. However, it wasn't Lars's fault that he was hurried into confessing. He wasn't sure how, but clearly someone had informed Matthew's fathers about his criminal record. As soon as Lars had left the hospital room, Alfred had caught his arm and politely informed him that the family didn't want him visiting anymore.

Worse than all of that though, was Matthew's reaction.

They way that Matthew had looked at him- the shock, disbelief, betrayal, _disappointment_.

It was worse than the disappointed look Bella had given him when she arrived at the police station a few months ago- that disappointment was accompanied with resignation and a previous understanding of his misbehavior. The disappointed looks from his parents were so common that they didn't have the power to affect Lars anymore.

But Matthew- the naive, young hospital patient, who'd just confided in Lars- hadn't seen it coming.

Lars felt like a complete and total piece of shit.

So whatever pain he was feeling at the moment was deserved, in his opinion.

It had been three days since Lars had told the truth to Matthew. He should have been at the hospital, finishing the last few hours he had left. However, at that moment, he wasn't in any condition to go. Lars sat at the edge of his bed. His head was pounding and his body shaking and sweaty from the stress. Slowly, his fingers brought a cigarette to his lips and he took a long drag to calm himself.

If addiction was a bitch, then withdrawal was like the seven layers of hell Lars had to go through as a result.

But he deserved it, he reminded himself.

After years of taking various drugs on an increasingly routine basis, withdrawal was painful. It only seemed to get worse time went on. Lars felt like he was dying, but that's what it took to come clean. Even though he knew he would likely not see Matthew again- Lars doubted Matthew would ever want to see his face again after what happened- Lars felt compelled to drop the habit. He never wanted something like this to happen ever again. It was the wakeup call his parents wanted him to have six years ago. Lars even called up the guys and told them he was done, despite violent protesting from them.

That life was behind him now. Lars had no idea what the hell he was going to do, but he wasn't going to fall back into his criminal life.

Shaking fingers crushed the remains of his cigarette into the ashtray and brought another from the pack to his lips as he lit it. The calming effect of smoking was becoming less effective as the day dragged on, but Lars needed to do something to ease the withdrawal symptoms.

There was a knock at his door and he ignored it. Bella, being the persistent sister she was, knocked again and announced that she was coming in anyway. Lars groaned and kneaded his forehead with his free hand. He couldn't deal with her right now.

"Lars, why haven't you been to the hospital the past few-" Bella started as she entered his room.

Her voice was stern, but she stopped short when she caught sight of the room's disarray- the light off, blinds closed, clothes strewn across the floor, the haze of cigarette smoke and Lars a trembling and weak mess on the bed. Immediately, she hurried over to her brother and yanked the cigarette from his grasp. Bella took note that Lars didn't fight back.

"What is going on?" she demanded, touching his forehead with the back of her hand. Quickly she recognized the symptoms as withdrawal. "Idiot, why didn't you tell me?"

Lars simply grunted in response, his hands clenched tightly as he tried to keep himself together. He sat resigned as Bella checked his vitals, being too distracted by the pain to hear what she was saying. In fact, he hardly noticed when she left and came back with a glass of water and a few pills. Obediently, he swallowed them and took a long gulp of the water.

"I'm really proud of you, for this," Bella said softly, as she sat down beside him.

"You sure as hell better be," Lars snapped and took a shaky breath.

_God_, he felt so irritable at the moment. Luckily, Bella seemed to understand. She ran her fingers through his sweaty, limp hair. Lars didn't protest, as much as he normally would. The feeling of someone else's fingers running over his scalp was soothing. It didn't do much at all to help the ache and need filling his body, but it was comforting.

"I'm sure Matthew is proud of you too," Bella murmured.

That made everything too much for Lars. Normally, he would work through his sufferings alone and reject support from anyone else. However, Lars was changing- _no, _he was already changed- due to Matthew. So Lars let himself lean into Bella's soft body and let her comfort him.

* * *

A few days later Lars was back at the hospital finishing off the last few hours he had left. Everything was the same as before, yet everything was different. He was clean now-willingly and hopefully for the long term- and spent all his time at the nurse's station. Technically, he shouldn't have been allowed to help the nurses with filing, but all the nurses seemed to understand. Lars suspected Bella's influence in that regard.

The interactions with the nurses didn't change very much. They watched him warily and only spoke to him when giving him instruction. Lars didn't care, he preferred things that way and he didn't have to try to force his company on any poor pediatric patients. However, there was one nurse at the hospital, besides his own dear sister, who didn't seem to mind Lars's company.

"Hey Lars! Haven't finished your hours yet?" Feliks offered in greeting, as he approached Lars who was kneeling in front of a filing cabinet.

Lars responded with a sigh.

Feliks was Lars's least favorite kind of person- bubbly, talkative, stylish, seeming more shallow and dumb than he actually was. Additionally, Feliks was never thrown off my Lars's cold personality and always tried to talk to him when he was hanging around the nurse's station.

"If you're here, then Bella's totally around somewhere," Feliks continued, completely unnerved by Lars lack of response. "I wanted to show her the new nail polish I got the other day," he said, shoving his perfectly manicured hand into Lars's field of vision. His nails were a soft pink color. "What do you think? It's more toned down than I usually go. But it's sort of a sweet color don't you think?"

In return, Lars tried to ignore him and stood up with a few files in hand and retreated to the desk. Feliks followed him as he handed the files over to the nurse who had requested them.

"You know Lars, you really need to loosen up," Feliks commented as Lars went back to his designated seat in the corner. "People might like you more."

Those words brought Matthew to the forefront of his mind. Lars body visibly stiffed, he'd been trying to avoid thoughts relating to him. Of course, Feliks picked up on Lars discomfort, but continued on acting completely innocent.

"It always surprised me how fond of you that patient Matthew is," Feliks said, watching as Lars's expression grew darker. "I mean, he's already a sweetheart, but he seemed even brighter after you started visiting with him."

Lars was refusing to meet Feliks's amused gaze. However, he did notice how Feliks's voice grew soft and warm when speaking of Matthew. It was difficult not to, Lars supposed. He was such a kind, wonderful person.

"He's not been doing well lately," Feliks said in a more serious tone. "It's hard watching him slowly deteriorate. But there's only so much we can do. It's hard to say if he'll pull through this time."

Lars was well aware that Feliks shouldn't be sharing this information so freely with him. However, it seemed that Feliks didn't care. Feliks understood that this was information Lars needed to hear. Sensing that Lars needed some time alone, Feliks left him with his thoughts and started chatting enthusiastically with the other nurses.

With a long sigh, Lars ran his fingers through his hair. Matthew wasn't doing well. It was Friday, meaning that Lars hadn't seen him in nearly a week. Lars hated to admit it, but he missed spending time with Matthew. Now there were only had a handful of hours left to fulfill. After that, he wouldn't have an excuse to hang around the hospital and hear news about his friend's condition. Of course, Lars could always visit…

But _even_ _if _Matthew's parents hadn't forbid Lars from seeing him, would Matthew even _want _him to come?

Internally, Lars struggled back in forth with the information he had. What would be best for Matthew? Could he delude himself into thinking that seeing Matthew would be beneficial for both of them? For once he was trying to put someone else's needs before his own _and it sucked. _But if Matthew wasn't doing well-

_No, _Lars decided. He couldn't just let his last time seeing Matthew be the disaster from Saturday. Lars was going to try and fix this, not for himself, but for Matthew. He needed to apologize.

And he had a plan for how.

* * *

AN: Hello my darlings!

Feliks knows exactly what he's doing here. He's much more clever and manipulative than he leads on. Also, I adore the idea of Feliks and Bella being close. They're total bros.

I'm so sorry that I left you on a cliff hanger for so long and only have a small chapter to offer now. Life's been a little hard on me the last two weeks, so I hope you'll forgive me. I'm also sorry that I keep leaving you in suspense after each chapter. It just keeps happening unintentionally, I swear.

My plans are the upload the last few chapters at the same time, because I don't want to drag out the ending for you. It would be better for you to have it all at once.

Let me know what you think! Thanks so much for your patience and support.

Love,  
Allie


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